Good Bad Days

Depression, as I’ve noted extensively, sucks. It sucks really bad, but it doesn’t suck constantly. It sucks sometimes, in unpredictable, sporadic up-and-downs. There are good days, and there are bad days; and there is everything in between: good good days, good bad days, bad good days, and bad bad days.

Today was a good bad day.

A few weeks ago I was talking with my psychiatrist about my medication. It helps me – a lot – but I didn’t feel like I was getting the most out of it. Additionally, the secondary prescription I’m on has some unpleasant long-term side-effects, so if we could find a better primary drug, then maybe we could even go off the secondary altogether.

So, I began cross-tapering according to my doctor’s notes.

Things have been up and down since then, but I’m beginning to really feel the effects of the new medication, and I’m hopeful that things are going to be on an upswing for a while.

One of the effects of the new meds is that I’m more able to recover from problems. And so today, when I couldn’t go in to work, I was still able to recover and have a good day. It was a bad day – any day I can’t go in to the office is generally bad – but it was a good bad day. I got a lot done and didn’t feel as horrible about myself as I normally do on bad days.

Another effect of the new medication is that it’s helping to augment how effective therapy can be for me, and I’ve been making a lot of progress lately. So I’m hopeful.

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