November 1, 2021 marks the one-year anniversary of my re-entry to Canada after living abroad for seven years. After a year of living back in my home province, in my home country, I can confidently say that this was one of the best decisions of my life! Maybe I waited a little too late, but better late than never.
It’s been a very busy year. I started a new job. I reconnected with friends and family. I grieved the loss of a loved one. I ran in my first race. I bought my first house.
For some reason (hint: it’s depression) that list doesn’t feel like… enough.
There are old friends who I expected to have had coffee with by now. There are old haunts that I expected to have revisited by now. I still – still! – have never been to Prince Edward Island.
These seem like trivial complaints, especially given the ongoing global pandemic. But I feel constantly in-between, trapped in this liminal space. Objectively, I can sit back and say that I’m being silly. That I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m being to hard on myself.
But subjectively, it still feels like it’s not enough.
The past year has gone by so quickly, and I don’t expect the years to slow down any time soon. So I’ll keep taking deep breaths, keep reminding myself to evaluate the facts, and keep my cool. I’m a creature of habit, and the past few months have been incredibly eradic. As I settle in for my second Canadian winter since moving home, I’m looking forward to building up some long-term habits. Like maybe not being so harsh on myself. Wish me luck.