Feelings are Hard

Things have been getting to me lately. Big things, little things, all kinds of things. The result is: I get upset. Angry even.

Aaaaaand because I insist on spending so much of my life on Twitter (I need to stop that…) everyone gets to see me get upset at things. The latest problems in my life are bringing the wrong computer cable and the LEGO store being sold out of something I want. Pretty childish stuff.

See, things were going great until about six weeks ago when my doctor suggested going off one of my medications. I’m on a very small dose, and we wanted to see if I needed it. Turns out I desperately do. Within a week I was miserable, flat, depressed. I finally got back on the medication, and as soon as it kicked in, I caught a cold. So I’m back to feeling miserable.

Playing guitar can help, except my wrists hurt too much to play. So I get a little more sad. Sleeping helps, I feel better in the mornings. Doing things helps, so I feel better when I make it to the office.

But the sort of back drop for this emotional rollercoaster is the political landscape of 2017. What a shitty year it’s been and promises to continue to be.

It’s going to be okay – I have a supportive partner, and a therapist, and a psychiatrist. And I’m making progress all the time. I’ve just had such a hard time over the past month or so. This summer was supposed to be refreshing and exciting, but instead it’s began with familiar ennui. Things are looking up, I guess, but I can’t help feel like I’m going to be stuck here forever.


Posted on June 14, 2017